Star Wars Episode 7 the Force Awakens: so oh boy in gonna start off with showing 3 different trailers and tell me what u guys think…..its 3 trailers for the force awakens….reason is because I want u guys to try to relive the excitement when watching this trailer….just imagine it…its been 10 years since a star wars film and all a sudden this trailer comes out….so let me know what u think when u keep that in mind
U see what I mean…..I and including all the star wars fans got so excited for this film…then the film came out and oh joy how do I say this…..JJ Abrams, the director of this film…..literally made a star wars film that has a copy and paste plot of a new hope….I wish I was kidding…this film is basically a reboot of a new hope….but ill get to that while we go through the plot….also if ur hoping to see Luke Skywalker in this ….bad news he only appears in the last 2 to 3 min of the film….so the opening starts off with a guy named Poe Dameron (played by Oscar Issac)…and he’s on a sand planet called Jakku…and he’s asking this old man to give him a hard drive that has a map to Luke Skywalker….thats right Luke Skywalker gone missing….also during his absence….the sinister first oder, rises from the ashes of the empire…..think of the empire as Nazis…and the first order being Neo Nazis….ok so anyways we see Poe has a small Ball droid named BB8….a small soccer like orange and white ball droid called BB8…not practical but adorable…..anyways the first order stormtroopers start coming down out of there ships …and start killing the towns folks….(BTW the old man that gave Poe…the map to luke Skywalker…well the actor who plays the old man…played in game of thrones for a small bit)….so let’s skip a bit….Poe gives BB8 the secret plans by putting it in him and then BB8 leaves on the sand planet away from battle….hm doesn’t this sound familiar…oh yeah a new hope…
….so anyways a certain stormtrooper named FN-2187….later to be named Finn…..starts realizing maybe being apart of the first order is bad….he sees them killing innocent people and now he is having panic attack….side note these stormtroopers are different….instead of them being clones …these stormtroopers were random babies taken away from there homes and raised to become soldiers….ok that’s worse…..so now we get introduced to our main villain named Kylo Ren…and we see his shuttle come down and land…and he walks out of his ship….here’s the scene
So anyways Kylo Ren look is a bit unique…he’s wearing black robes and a hood and wears a mask…oh and his Lightsaber looks like a sword…no seriously it looks like a sword……so anyways he kills the old guy ……and Poe trues shooting Ren…and we see a new force ability….he can freeze lazer bolt in mid air…..holy shite….thats epic……so he takes Poe Dameron as a prisoner to get information from him…and then we get introduced to a side character named Captain Phasma…(the actress who plays her…played Brienne of Tarth in game of thrones)…..hm doesn’t this sound familiar…main bad guy takes person up to there ship to get information out of them…oh yeah its a new hope…🤦♂️…..do anyways let’s skip a bit….BB8 runs into a woman named Rey (played by Daisy Ridley)…..and she has no family, her family left her there and she wants to wait there until her family comes back…thats basically her character for the first half of this film….again…robot finds main character on sand planet and start bonding…hm…if only I could think of what this sounds like….nah nothing “new” is coming to mind…
…..so anyways….back to Kylo Ren…he tortured Poe…by using a new trick by using thr force to read his mind….and now he knows the secret plans are in a BB8 unit…who is on Jakku….Kylo Ren tells that to commander Hux (I forget the actors name but he did play in that Peter rabbit movie, and he played a character named Bill Weasley…who appeared in Deathly Hallows part 1 and 2) so anyways….he is like the Grand Moff Tarkin….And Kylo Ren is the Darth Vader…..how original 
……so …um …Finn breaks out Poe…they get into. TIE-FIGHTER….and the ship crashes on Jakku…and Finn makes it out and takes Poe jscket….fun fact Poe was supposed to be dead in this scene but the early screen test audience loved Poe…so they wrote him in the script for the third act of the film….and Finn bumps into Rey and BB8…..she attacks Finn thinking he’s a thief because BB8 tells Rey (BTW I don’t know she understands BB8…he’s about as understandable as R2D2)…actually let’s talk about Rey…she’s the worst……she isn’t a character…she has no training or character development or anything…nah….she’s a Mary Sue…or as I and the fan base calls her…. a Ma-Rey Sue…..a Mary Sue is someone who is already perfect and has no flaws what so ever…and doesn’t need training….thats who Rey is….she’s been born on a sand planet and yet her and Finn and BB8 escape Tie-Fighters…by getting into the Millennium Falcon….don’t know why its on Jakku….and yet she knows how to fly it although she has no Training in flying…heck the Millennium Falcon requires 2 people to fly it yet she flies the ship single handily….ok I call bullshite…..so they fly off and in space on a cargo ship…they bump into Han Solo and Chewbacca…..so they leave and go to a planet called takodana…and there they meet up with a old lady alien who is wise….really Disney…now ur ripping off Yoda….God grief…also if ur wondering does Han Solo become like the old man mentor…yes….yes he does….he’s basically the Ben kenobi…..again….so original Disney!!….also I forget to mention that about a few scenes ago…..kylo Ren and Hux are talking to there Supreme leader Snoke…..(played by andy serkis, u may know him as Smeagel from lord of the rings….or Ceaser from planet of the apps, or a villain in the black panther film…who also appeared in avengers age of ultron)….anyway we find out Han Solo is Kylo Rens father…..yeah that was told to us way to early on….anyways….back to now……Rey goes inside the basement of Maz Kantata….castle……and well she finds lukes/Anakins Skywalker Lightsaber…how? Who knows….this movie doesn’t explain how Maz Kanata got that Lightsaber….so Rey touches it and she sees a vision of luke…and here’s vaders breathing….oh and she sees Kylo Ren and the knights of Ren….oh if ur wondering who the Knights of Ren are…well so am i…we get teased about them in this film, then they don’t appear roll episode 9…for only like 5 min…..yeah thats pathetic…..so anyways…..Rey leaves because she’s in shock. ….we see the first orders weapon its another death star except this time its a planet with a lazer in the middle …🤦♂️……oh yeah so original….basically a third death star….also let me know what u think of this clip
Basically, general Hux does a Hitler type speak scene….and the way the stormtroopers salute him is very reminiscent of the Nazis…its so on the nose if u ask me….and then they blow up a handful of planets…..oh and how original…a death star blowing up planets…..wow Disney….ur so original, ur exploring so many levels of complex story telling….huh….🤦♂️…….
Unlike where vader was menacing and killed his own men….this whiny fanboy….throws temper tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants……ladies and gentlemen are 3 main villians for this trilogy…a somewhat Emo whiny tantrum baby and a ginger haired Hitler and oh yeah a bald old man in golden bath robes…..my god…are u so invested in this or scared by them at all….if not then ur sane….the only good thing about this scene is the 2 stormtroopers decide to walk away from him….🤣…there like nope…getting out of here….so anyways Finn wants to save Rey, finn and Poe and the rebellion come up with plan to destroy star killer base…..long story short its the exact same way the death star got destroyed…fly down a corridor and shoot missiles at weak spot…..Disney, ladies and gentlemen. ..if u have no original ideas…just do plagiarism with star wars a new hope….fricking christ….ok so Finn and Han Solo and Chewbacca go save Rey…….and Kylo Ren senses his father…….and now for the scene….Han goes and talks to his son…who is on a small bridge over a pit…..oh and we find out Kylo Rens name was Ben Solo…..so Han tries to convince his son to turn good….long story short…kylo Ren stabs his father and his dad falls off the bridge…..this scene made me mad..here’s the clip
..so anyways Chewbacca shoots Kylo Ren….and Rey and Finn and Chewbacca leave and Kylo Ren follows…..so anyways we get to the epic fight scene, Finn picks up Luke’s Lightsaber…and fights against Kylo Ren….yeah thats right a guy whos not force sensitive and never held a Lightsaber…can somehow hold his own against a force sensitive guy who learned how to use a Lightsaber….and then Finn gets injured….and then Rey uses the force to grab lukes Lightsaber……what the heck…ok so hold on a minute…this woman who has never and I mean never held a Lightsaber…never used the force….didn’t even know about the force and Lightsabers until about a day ago…and ur telling me film sith no training of how to use the force …she’s somehow able to grab Lightsaber using force…then defeat Kylo Ren…..sigh…..she’s not s character…she’s a Ma-Rey Sue…..this is getting out of hands……now there are more bullshite…Hahahahah 🤣….so anyways star wars killer base blows up like the death star …..woo-hoo…..and Rey and Chewbacca and injured Finn make it off the planet along with the rebellion….they make it back home….Finn gets treated and he’s in a coma….oh yeah and R2D2 wakes up…forget to mention that R2D2 in this movie appears for 10 seconds and he’s shut down…the movies excuse. …he’s been in shut down mode ever sense Luke Skywalker gone missing….oh and I also forgot to mention C3PO in this film has a crimson red arm…why u may ask…who knows. ..this film doesn’t explain shite…..so anyways R2D2 has the rest of the map while bb8Bhas a small portion of the map, they out the maps together and now they got the location of Luke….film ends with Rey going on a planet and walking up a hill and sees luke Skywalker looking over a cliff and he turns around while she is holding out his Lightsaber and thats it the end….here’s the clip
Overall it was a decent comeback for star wars ..but this film played it to safe….so safe it had the same plot from a new hope…..but ill give this film a solid 7/10
Also Let’s talk about something I need to bring up….Disney doesn’t understand subtlety…..like at all….take George Lucas…when he created the empire in star wars he based them off of Nazis…but here’s the thing he wasn’t on the nose about it….basically the obvious inspiration was well brainwashed stormtroopers…..yeah just like Nazis…..the clones ended up brainwashed and turned into stormtroopers…also Vaders helmet design was inspired by Nazis helmet designs…..fun fact if u didn’t know that….but if u did then well congrats…..also another fun fact that has nothing to do with this apparently Chewbacca was based on George Lucas dog……ok interesting….but back to the subject…u can see that George Lucas was not forcing down our throats that oh the empire are Nazis….see he was subtle …
Clearly something Disney needs to learn because my god, nothing about the first order is subtle….I mean seriously….they were way to on the nose with the whole Nazis inspiration….don’t believe me …lets take a look…..just like majority of Nazis, they were taken from there homes and raised to be solders……oh wow so subtle Disney……thats the thing the first oder does….they kidnap children and raise them as stormtroopers……so subtle …then we can’t forget about ginger haired Hitler…..no seriously after this scene im gonna tell u….u will see why I call him ginger haired Hitler……so there’s a scene in the force awakens where he is standing on a stage…..and standing in front of him is a whole giant row of stormtroopers…and right behind Hux…is a giant red banner with there symbol on it thats highlighted by black color….hm doesn’t this sound familiar?…oh and then Hux gives a Hitler type speech….just realized Hux name starts with an H just like Hitler…my god Disney…is subtle not a thing with u?…and then after his speech…all the stormtroopers raise there hands up and do a salute….u know….like the Nazis did….
🤦♂️……subtlety? Whats that?……nothing about this is subtle….its like they think there audience are a bunch of morons who can’t figure this out for themselves……sigh
Star Wars Episode 8 The Last Jedi: ok im gonna say this…..I hate this film alot….and let me explain why….this film wasn’t made by JJ Abrams it was made by Rian Johnson….but he did then produce a great film called knives out…..if u haven’t seen that film I highly recommend it……its a murder mystery thats funny and has a great cast….Daniel Craig, Chris Evans, Jamie Lee Curtis, Michael Shannon, Christopher Plummer, Toni Collete, Jaeden Martel, Kathrine Langford….honestly I highly recommend knives out….its worth the watch….now back to my least favorite Rian Johnson film…sigh….here’s the trailer…enjoy
Ok now onto the review, so the film starts literally right after the end of force awakens…and so I don’t spend time on the beginning to u all….and don’t want to torture myself or any of u who’s reading this….im instead gonna point out my 4 main complaints in the first 10 min of the film…thats right first 10 min and I have 4 complaints….oh boy where in for a ride…..1. The general Hux scene…ok so remember how I said his character is menacing (or at least like grand Moff Tarkin)….well this film decides to make him into a laughing stock…I wish I was kidding….right away in the film…Poe Dameron calls up Hux and does a prank call to Hux…yeah thats how thr beginning of this film starts…with a prank mama call…..i just ah…..are u all entertained!?….then Supreme leader Snoke calls Hux on hologram…and he uses the force to push hux onto the ground and drag him around…like a pathetic idiot…in front of his colleges…..sigh….. 2. BB8…now before u ask me whats wrong with BB8…well in this movie…how do I say this….he’s now become a cartoon character…..he has way to many abilities…..for instance….during the opening fight scene…Poe Dameron ship gets damaged inside BB8 cockpit…and he asks BB8 to fix it and guess how he fixes it….he extends a robotic finger and pokes the hole……then another hole shows up and he basically starts playing wake a mole with the holes…..then he extends his neck?….and smashes it with his head….wait BB8 has a neck….he’s a ball droid…where on gods green earth does he have that long extended neck hidden in!?….movie starts making sense plz!?….3. The lack of space physics….ok so in the beginning we get a group if bomber ships trying to bomb a star destroyer…..one ship ends up doing it….but sigh….the um…ok its hard to explain….let me try again……the woman in this ship presses a button and all the hundreds of bombs fall straight down under her ship and onto the star destroyer…mesh u heard that right straight down…..im no expert on space but um there is no gravity…so those bombs would not be going straight down!….we’re not even 30 min into this film and I am already regretting this…..ok and lastly, 4. Actually, this isn’t a complaint with the first 10 min….its pointing out what the threat is in this film….if u can call it that…..all the scenes it shows the rebels……its basically 2 and a half hours of the rebels flying away slowly while the first order if flying behind them slowly….yeah how interesting does that sound?….if u said none..then u r correct…..ok so anyways Finn wakes up from coma…and they treat this as a joke….he wakes up with a bubble type suit on him with pipes filled with water…and we see him walking down the hallway…with water leaking out of his suit…..are u laughing yet!?..because this is a hahaha moment…oh BTW he does wake up saying Rey…BTW I’m gonna clear this up now…Finns character isn’t complex or interesting…they had a good concept but they ruined it….his whole character in all 3 of these films…he is just yelling…..Rey!!….and trying to follow her……oh wow so interesting…congrats Disney, u had a cool concept of a rogue stormtrooper…but u decided to do Jack and all for it…..sigh…so anyways we cut to Rey and she’s handing the Lightsaber to Jake Skywalker (now before u all say Jarrod, who’s Jake Skywalker….well thats what I’m calling Luke Skywalker in this film…because nothing about Luke Skywalker in this film…represents luke …..anything he does in this film…luke would never consider doing…let alone doing it….heck even Mark Hamill admitted in interviews that he hated how Rian Johnson basically treated the character of Luke Skywalker in this film….even Mark Hamill said this once in an interview….” this character is not Luke Skywalker…..nothing about him in this movie, represents luke….I like to imagine that this character is um…idk …Jake Skywalker, Luke Skywalker long lost brother”..do u know what?…I don’t disagree with him…so for the rest of this review I’m calling him Jake Skywalker)…so anyways luke takes the Lightsaber from rey and he looks at it and then he tosses it over his shoulder and off the cliff……hahahaha…..are u laughing yet…..see Rian Johnson wanted to subvert our expectations…..well congrats Ruin Johnson…..u have had Luke Skywalker do something incredibly stupid…..sigh….im already hating this…..so Rey takes lukes Lightsaber….BTW in a book it was said why she takes his Lightsaber….its because her inner scavenger instincts (or basically her thief instincts) kicked in and she took Luke Skywalker Lightsaber….great….so im gonna skip a bit…luke wants to be left alone and Chewbacca comes into lukes hut and knocks his door down and yells at luke…and Rey translates to luke what Chewbacca is saying….HOW DARE U!!…..the person who would understand Chewbacca more is luke….he’s been around Chewbacca for decades……but instead Rey has only been around Chewbacca for a day…🤦♂️…..I hate this character…..so we cut back to Finn and he bumps into a woman named Rose, and she starts fanboying over him….sigh…..and well they call up Maz Kanata to ask her for help….blah blah she tells them to go find a master code breaker, who is at a casino…..and oh boy we get to my most hated scene in this film….the canto bite scene…..its a freaking 15 to 20 min scene of them st a casino….they get there and they see the guy there looking for…and before they get to him…they get arrested for parking illegally…..long story short they meet another master code breaker in prison….no no wait wait wait a min movie…ur telling me u set up this master code breaker as being the only one and he is important for the plot to go forward…yet u decide to give our main characters a free pass and give them another code breaker……eheheeh….guys the laughing im doing is me trying to laugh to prevent me from crying….I I just this film is breaking me….its baffling, it’s its not good star wars…..I feel genuine hate towards this film….eheheheheh….so anyways I forget to mention that a fee scene ago….princess Leia gets sucked out into space and she is floating in space for 20 seconds with no air and she survives …oh and it gets worse…..she reaches her hand out and starts flying to her ship…like Mary Poppins…..🤦♂️….why!???…
Only watch 8:57 to 9:30…..that whole scene shows u how bad this fight scene is….warning some cussing in the video…but just watch that specific scene….let me try explaining how bad this is….one guard is just twirling for no reason…BTW bad fight tactic….and then another guard just charges away from rey while holding his staff in front of him like he’s trying to stab someone…but yet he’s running away from Rey….sigh this scene is dumb…it has bad choreography…..so scene ends with kylo Ren and Rey trying to get each to join sides…..both of them fail…and now kylo ren becomes the new Supreme leader…uh huh….oh and now let’s get to the end of the film….rebellion get to there base on a planet and the empire comes down in AT-AT and starts attacking them…the rebels start trying to communicate to people to join them to help them fight…they all refuse to join the rebels…sigh….Rey shows up and kinda somewhat saves the day by opening up a closed off backway for the rebels to escape from there base…oh and luke comes and faces against Emo Ren….long story short…its not luke…he didn’t get there….he is still on the island…he’s force projected himself onto the planet…..What!!?….ok fine whatever…glad I’m almost done….and the film ends with the rebellion being down to like 7 people…and all of them are on the Millennium Falcon and there smiling and happy and hugging….WHY ARE U ALL HAPPY!?….u guys are fricked majorly….fricked…..sigh ok im done this film gets a solid 4/10…blah blah of a movie….oh and we haven’t even got to the worse one yet…no thats the rise of Skywalker